A Focus on the Family: The Dysfunctions of the Patriarchs

A Focus on the Family: The Dysfunction of the Patriarchs

I just watched “Acrimony” the new Tyler Perry’s film starring Taraji P. Henson who plays Melinda the scorned wife of an unfaithful husband Robert played by Lyriq Bent. In classic Tyler Perry style, the movie begins as a courtship made in heaven between two college sweethearts that evolves into a marriage from hell when Henson feels betrayed by Roberts’s selfishness and indiscretions. As an avid movie goer, I like to listen to comments of people as they leave the theater. At the end of the last scene as the credits were rolling a woman stated, “That was crazy”, while other woman yelled out in the theater “That’s messed up, he should have died” (the clean version). One guy commented “Wow”.

Even though, I’m sure the movie will receive mixed reviews, I think the larger conversation will be over Perry’s insistence on projecting a “conflict motif” in most of his films. What I mean by conflict motif is that Perry’s critics claim his movies portray people of color in roles of conflict and difficulties in finance, and relationships. Basically,to say, that other ethnic groups are not portrayed as dysfunctional in Hollywood as African-Americans. Over the years, Perry has been the recipient of over whelming criticism largely from the African-American community for exploiting the pain and suffering of blacks in America for profit. Some say that portraying the dysfunctions of blacks in America undermine the progress African-Americans have made in this country and set people of color back decades, if not centuries.

Personally, I enjoyed “Acrimony” for exactly the same reasons that others find fault in Perry’s choice of actors and plots: they convey the truth. In my opinion, Acrimony is another attempt by Perry to deal with dark secrets that plague all races and issues that people and families wrestle with every day. Having experienced personal pain as a part of a dysfunctional family, Perry chooses the medium of the big screen to shed light on issues that use darkness as a cover, but, lose power when confronted by the light of the truth. I think that instead of casting a dark cloud over the life of black people, Perry’s movies bring to light the secret things that hinder the future progress of blacks and people of all races.

Lastly, to the claim that Perry uses people of color predominately to portray characters in his films. Well, I think it’s clear why Perry chooses to use actors of color in his films who is more qualified to tell the story of a race of people than someone personally familiar with their plight. How can you relate to someone’s tragedy or triumph unless you understand the totality of their story? I am sure that there are critics that will never accept Perry’s prescription for pain, but for those willing to believe that there is a method to his madness, I challenge you to recognize that Perry is not the only writer to air the dirty laundry of his people. There is a biblical precedent to exposing the unattractive aspects of our past to navigate a brighter and more productive future.

If there were movie theaters in the Sinai desert around 2500 BC, movie goers would have flocked to the theaters to see “Infidelity”, The Story of Abraham and Sarai”. Written and produced by Moses, a Jew, writing about the indiscretions of the first family of faith. Receiving the script by a divine revelation from God, Moses, the greatest screen writer of his time, paints a picture of dysfunction in the life of his most significant ancestor, Abraham. As the writer of the first 5 books of the Bible, Moses tells his story on the largest “Big Screen” ever created, our minds.

Like Perry, I’m sure Moses faced his fair share of critics. Talking openly about the idolatry, incest, and adultery of the father of the Jewish faith probably did not go over well with Jews who were known for their pride and their piety. I know it didn’t sit well with older Jews who claimed moral high ground over their immoral pagan neighbors. They would not want it to get out that Abraham, the father of the world’s 2 major religions, was not only imperfect but from time to time colored outside of the lines of righteousness. Moses knew that he would not be able to silence all of his critics, however, despite the opposition he realized that the spiritual benefits of temporally exposing Abraham’s dirty laundry would far outweigh the physical and emotional pain he might have to endure. So, Moses, like Tyler Perry, decided to write it anyway.

Scene One:

‘Our Little Secret”

The story of Abraham starts in Genesis 12, with a shocking secret: Abraham is married his sister Sarai. Yeah, you heard it right, he married his sister. Although Abraham leaves the pagan region of Ur of the Chaldeans for a new life in Canaan, he didn’t leave its pagan ways. For many of us this creates a dilemma, how do I move forward in life with things attached to me that represent my past and not my future? I can’t imagine how the guy who shouted “wow” at the end of Acrimony would have reacted to this storyline. Strangely enough, that’s how many people would react if they knew the “dirty little secrets” that we try so hard to hide.

Contrary to popular belief, in ancient eastern cultures the arrangement of marriages between close relatives for economic reasons were more common than you might think. Historical documents show from early Bronze Age period that these arrangements were the foundation of early societies which were depended upon agriculture for survival. These migrating tribes needed workers to raise crops and to domesticate animals. Although this practice was strongly condemned in the Levitical laws hundreds of years later, they were obviously tolerated in nomadic societies before the introduction of organized societies. I don’t know if this explanation will allow you to breathe a little easier, but the truth fact of the matter is that every family has some dark or dirty secret that no one talks about. The bad news is, until resolved these dysfunctions can manifest at unexpected times causing difficulties and leading to more dysfunction. The good news is that God is larger than our past indiscretions and stands ready to help us despite our not so perfect beginnings.

In Genesis chapter 20, while traveling south of Canaan to Gerar Abraham and Sarai found themselves at the mercy of a Pagan king who admired Sarai’s beauty. To save his life, Abraham revealed the secret that had been a part of his dark past, that Sarai was not only his wife but, his sister. By this time God had already made Abraham a very rich man now coupled with having a beautiful wife, the men of Gerar were jealous of him seeking to do him harm. So, under these conditions Abraham lied, or did he?

I guess extreme situations call for extreme measures, so Abraham said that Sarai was his sister. I am sure there are some who think this act of incest should have disqualified Abraham from becoming the father of faith. It surely should have prevented him from finding favor in God’s eyes when encountered by an evil king. But, the opposite actually occurred, it positioned him to be the father of faith. Despite Abrahams dysfunction, God steps in to protect Abraham and Sarai from harm. Abraham’s faith was strengthened because he now knew that God was his protector.

“But God came to Abimelek in a dream one night and said to him, “You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman.” Genesis 20:3 NIV

According to the scripture, instead of a rebuking Abrahams for his shortcomings, God appeared to the Abimelech the king of Gerar warning him of instant death if anyone touched Abraham or Sarai. This benevolent act displayed “grace” in the life of Abraham long before it become a major component of New Testament theology. God gives us a foreshadowing of his grace 400 years before the law. God shows Abraham that He has his back in every situation. God s protection is available to us even when we have less than stellar past. As He demonstrates in Abraham’s life, His grace abounds even when we fall short. This was a valuable lesson for Abraham on his journey of faith. Whatever God orders He is able to pay for. And when He sends you out in his name, He has already gone before us to make our path safe, so Abraham had no reason to fear.

If couples of today can learn anything from Abrahams encounter, it’s when faced with crisis to choose faith over fear. Fear leads us to make bad decisions while faith recognizes God sovereign power to protect us. When God moves us from Ur our past to the Canaan our future, He already knows about our dark and dirty secrets. The good news is He is still willing to help us if we put our trust in Him.

“Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife.” Genesis 20: 12 NIV

Scene Two:

Marriage Gone Wild

After settling in Canaan, Abraham and Sarai were not able to conceive. According to the scripture, Sara’s condition existed before she left Ur of the Chaldeans for Canaan, but now that she is in the land of blessing, she is still haunted by her past. Sarai inability to have children was a major source of pain and frustration for the couple. Although, not being able to have children was devastating to Sarai, Abraham took it extremely hard. As a Patriarch, and leader of his estate, having a son meant carrying on the family name and inheritance was a sign of God’s favor. Also, during the Patriarchal period, sons seen as a blessing from God and were economically more valuable than daughters. However, if one could not have children at all, it was not only considered an economic setback, but a curse.

Day and night this was the object of contention between Abraham and Sarai. Sometimes conversations would be civil, while other times they erupted into yelling, finger pointing and name calling. Several times a physical altercation ensued. Things were thrown but no one was seriously hurt. The herdsman’s, servants, and slaves overheard the commotion. This was a huge source of embarrassment for Sarai? Because of Abrahams prestige in Canaan, counseling was out of the question, Sarai was open to the idea, but Abraham said no. While business was looking up on the outside, inside the home was a living hell. At the age of 75, the turmoil in Abrahams home got so bad that God stepped in to resolve it. After years of arguing and fighting, God dispatched an angel to the home of Abraham and Sarai with good news, they would conceive a son and his name would be Isaac.

Thanks be to God not only for His promises but for specifics in His promises, this gave Abraham and Sarai added confirmation that the promise will come to pass. I guess any avid bible readers would say “I never knew Abraham and Sarai went through all of that”. Well, the fact that God dispatched angels to rescue Abraham is evidence of how bad his situation was. God intervenes in our greatest need. His promises are tailor-made to do what we cannot, turn every curse into a blessing.

The Plot Thickens:

One might think that after hearing the news about having a son would bring peace to the first couple of faith. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. After receiving the promise from God, Abraham and Sarai didn’t realize that faith requires patience. This became another problem for the distressed couple. Sometimes to magnify His glory God will wait until a situation goes from bad to worse. Already 75 when receiving the promise God waits until Abraham is 100 and Sarai is 95 until He sends the promise. Also now instead of one miracle they now need 2 because now Abraham is impotent.

After waiting years for the promise to come to pass, Sarai let her impatience get the best of her and came up with the “crazy” idea to have Abraham have sex with Hagar the maid because she was barren and Abraham was nearly impotent by this time, Sarai saw no other way to bring the promise to pass than to take matters into her own hands. As you might imagine this was a mistake of biblical proportions, don’t mind the pun. Coming from the Ur of the Chaldeans, they were not accustomed to the concept of faith. Having attempted to conceive for many years without success they decided to take matter into their own hands devising a plan to give God away out.

Before we judge Abraham and Sarai too harshly, how many of us have tried to bail God out of a difficult situation. Not able to see in the natural how God will bring the promise to pass we come up with a plan to help God maintain His perfect record. Little did Abraham and Sarai know that God is not moved by our attempts to give Him a back door out of the situation, but only by our faith that He can do what He promised.

I have seen a lot of Tyler Perry movies, but what happens next, goes beyond the wildest imagination of any screen writer. Sarai encourages Abraham to commit adultery with Hagar the maid servant. Have you ever heard of such a thing? I guess this twisted thinking comes from Ur of the Chaldeans, it’s another one of those paganist mindsets that causes one to make bad decisions that bring irrevocable consequences. And, Abraham is just as bad, he could have stopped it by saying “No, Sarai I won’t do it, let’s wait on God’s timing, everything will be okay”. But Abraham agreed, and now he must contend with 2 women living under the same roof one pregnant with his child, and the other his barren wife. You can imagine the drama that went on in that house daily, eyes rolling, silent treatment, and the cold shoulder were all a part of the daily routine in a family that is the poster-child for dysfunction. After seeing Hagar showing of her pregnancy, and Abrahams proud look as he anticipates being a father, Sarai becomes jealous and orders Abraham to kick Hagar out of the house. And the unborn baby too.

Now, if this isn’t some drama I don’t know what is? You got an angry wife, a pregnant maid, and a confused husband. This is not God’s idea of holy matrimony, this is “marriage gone wild”. To make matter worse, Hagar leaves with little support from Abraham, even though he is a millionaire 10 times over, she’s living on the street with nowhere to go. All because Sarai who came up with the idea in the first place won’t let Abraham take care of his baby. The scene finally ends with an Angel appearing to Hagar sending her back to Abraham’s house where God has commanded the rich but disrespectful couple to take her and the child back in. God comforts Hagar with words about Ismael’s future, he too will become a father of many nations, and his descendants will cover the earth. As for Abraham, he became a father at the age of 100.

Even when we move in the opposite direction of Gods will He doesn’t abandon His promise. Because He is slow to anger and full of mercy, God will even use our Ismael’s for His glory while we await the promise of Isaac. Some of the dysfunctions that we experience seems to be so bad that not even God forgive them, but they’re not. God will sometimes allow problems to stack up against us like dominoes it is in these times we think “Man, I have really blown It.” But that’s not the case at all. To maximize His glory and to build your faith, God waits until we have exhausted all of our crafty ideas to help Him and all human solutions are off the table, then He shows up and does the miraculous. Even when we blow it in a major way and our situation seems dead. Like Sarai who was unable to give life (barren) and Abraham who was unable to produce it (impotence), God has a promise designed to bring get you back on the right track and to bring your dead situation back to life.

Scene 3:

“It’s Only a Test”:

In this final scene, things really get out of control. Abraham and Sarai finally have the son God promised them, and now that he is about 20 years old, in a test of Abrahams obedience, God tells Abraham to sacrifice him on the alter. I guess Abraham must have said, “hold on let me make sure I am hearing this right. You I want me to kill the son you gave me as a promise.”. God said, yes. Can you imagine waking up early in the morning to sacrifice you’re your beloved son. Well this is what Abraham did. What’s interesting is the reaction of his servants, no doubt, they had been with Abraham many times as he went to make sacrifices unto the Lord. It must have seemed strange to them to see Abraham and Isaac going to the alter without an animal sacrifice. I can imagine as they arrived at the foot of the mountain they were really shocked as Abraham told them to wait with the camels while he and Isaac went up to sacrifice. At this point, the servants must have become really alarmed. Why didn’t they call the police or why didn’t they go and get Sarai, or perhaps she was in on it.? What could they do? Nothing, for fear of Abraham they remained silent hoping their worst fears wouldn’t come to pass.

At the top of the mountain Moses records one of the grizzliest scenes in the entire story, with Isaac bound and tied, Abraham stands over Isaac with a knife. And just before he lowers it to take Isaac’s life, the Angel of the Lord shouts “No” Abraham don’t do it”, Abraham hears the voice of God and instantly brings the knife down to his side. I can see Abraham thanking God as sweat and tears are rolling down his face. Having experienced the most devastating moment of his life, he realizes that God has rescued him again. According to Moses narrative the Angel says to Abraham: “this was only a test”. But it is not only the words of the Angel that comfort Abraham but what happens next. Abraham looks around to see a ram caught in the thicket, compliments of God. The God who no matter tbe zituation has already provided for all our needs.

“Then Abraham lifted his eyes and looked, and there behind him was a ram caught in a thicket by its horns. So Abraham went and took the ram, and offered it up for a burnt offering instead of his son.” Genesis 22:13 NIV

Many times, the outward circumstances of our lives may make us appear to be strange or even crazy to outsiders. Faith does not always make sense. According to Theologians, this episode was a test of Abraham’s faith in God’s provision, even though he couldn’t see it. Abraham trusted God to provide a suitable sacrifice for Himself to replace Isaac. Since leaving the Ur of the Chaldeans, Abraham’s faith grew and he knew that God could do the impossible. And God did not disappoint him. The basis of faith is that we must believe what we cannot see. The weight of God’s glory in our lives is often determined by the level of trust we place in the unseen realities of God. According to Theologians, as Abraham was ascending one side of the mountain with Isaac, the ram God prepared was ascending the other side of the mountain. Because of His perfect timing in our lives, God allowed the ram to reach the site of the sacrifice just as Abraham was about to slay Isaac. During this test, God reveals an important aspect of His benevolence not only to Abraham but to us as well, that He would be there in his most stressful times. God created an extreme circumstance in the natural, so He could provide extraordinary supernatural provision.

We must remember that God is always working behind the scenes in our lives regardless of what life looks like right now, God is always working on our problems and preparing us for His master plan even though we can’t see it. Everything we will ever need to fulfill our God -given destiny, has already supplied and it stands ready for us to receive it. One reason why God’s blessings must be received by faith is because they come from the bounty of His resources and are often more than we ever imagined.

“Then the Angel of the LORD called to Abraham a second time out of heaven, and said: “By Myself I have sworn, says the LORD, because you have done this thing, and have not withheld your son, your only son— blessing I will bless you, and multiplying I will multiply your descendants as the stars of the heaven and as the sand which is on the seashore; and your descendants shall possess the gate of their enemies.” Genesis 22: 15-17

Conclusion:
Based on these narratives we see that Tyler Perry isn’t the only writer to expose the dysfunctions of his people on the big screen. But, 4000 years earlier, Moses used the big screen of our minds to expose the misdeeds of Abraham the Patriarch of the Jewish faith. Like Perry, Moses obviously had critics, but chose to write the good, the bad, and the ugly of the father of the world’s 2 largest religions anyway. I don’t think that Moses’s reason for writing Genesis was solely to air Abraham’s dirty laundry, but quite the opposite, to expose dysfunctions that hinder all people by sharing the secrets of someone he was familiar with. Moses invades Abraham’s privacy for the benefits of introducing the main character in the script- God. Who makes a cameo appearance in His own production and whose light outshines the darkness of Abraham’s dysfunctions.

If it were not for Moses pulling back the curtain on the first family of faith, we wouldn’t know that despite Abraham’s faults, God still provided His grace. That despite Abraham’s incest, infidelity, and insanity, God gave him protection from his enemies, fulfilled promises, and gave him extraordinary provision. I am sure that if Moses were to write today, that he would be equally as criticized as Perry for recording such instances of incest, and insanity within the pages of the Holy Bible. But, contrary to popular belief, the Bible does not only contain PG rated material, but material that is rated R because some of us lead rated R lives and need a Savior who can meet us at the dark point of our dysfunction. As for Abraham, he went on to become the father of our faith, not because he was perfect, but because his faith was made perfect by his encounters with God’s amazing grace. Abraham received this grace by faith 400 years before the law and was considered righteous in God’s sight So, today, how much more should are we counted as righteous in (right standing with God) because of the grace made available to us through Jesus Christ? In Jesus Christ, the Author and Finisher of our faith, God has given us the grace to overcome every dysfunction and to live the abundant life Christ died for us to live.